Why Confidence Comes After, Not Before: The Truth About Building Unshakable Confidence
“Confidence is preparation. Everything else is out of your control.” – Richard Kline
We've all seen confident people walk into a room — head held high, voice steady, energy calm and focused. And maybe you’ve thought: "I wish I felt like that."
But here’s the truth most people get wrong: confidence doesn’t come first.
It’s not something you're born with. It's not something that magically shows up when you're "ready."
Confidence is what comes after the work. After you show up. After you take the risk. After you survive the discomfort.
🧠 What Is Confidence, Really?
The Oxford Dictionary defines self-confidence as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
And that’s key: trust. Confidence isn’t arrogance or perfection — it’s trusting that you can handle what’s ahead.
💥 Confidence = Preparation in Action
Confidence is built when you:
prepare well,
take action despite fear,
and keep showing up.
Let’s break it down with this formula:
Preparation + Consistency + Time + Mindfulness + Courage + Action = CONFIDENCE
✅ Preparation
Know your stuff. Do the reps. Study the playbook. Confidence begins with readiness.
🔁 Consistency
Confidence compounds when you show up over and over — even when it’s hard.
⏳ Time
The more you do it, the easier it gets. Neuroscience calls this myelination — practice builds faster neural pathways, making tasks feel more natural and automatic.
🧘 Mindfulness
Be aware of the thoughts dragging you down. Are they facts or fears?
💥 Courage
Confidence doesn’t mean you’re not scared. It means you act anyway.
🚀 Action
This is the game changer. Confidence isn’t a feeling — it’s a behavior.
🟣 Confidence in Action: The Kobe Bryant Effect
“Confidence doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s a result of something… hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.” – Kobe Bryant
Kobe was known for showing up to the gym at 4 a.m., taking hundreds of shots, and breaking down game film like an obsessed student. He didn't wait to feel confident. He built it. Day by day. Shot by shot.
✅ Confidence isn’t just a mindset. It’s muscle memory — born from repetition and purpose.
🧪 The Science Behind Why Confidence Follows Action
Psychologists often refer to exposure therapy — the concept that repeated, safe exposure to discomfort reduces fear over time.
You don’t overcome fear by avoiding it — you overcome it by walking through it.
“The obstacle is the way.” – Marcus Aurelius
Whether it’s public speaking, setting boundaries, or asking for the job — confidence grows by doing the scary thing, not waiting to feel ready.
🎯 Step 1: Ask Yourself “Why Do I Want to Be Confident?”
Confidence without direction is just noise. When you identify your purpose, confidence becomes a tool to help you live into it.
So ask yourself:
✍️ Why do I want to be confident right now? What would be different if I were?
🌟 Step 2: Get Clear on the Vision
“Ideally, what would a confident version of me look like?”
How would you walk, speak, or show up at work?
Confidence is about alignment — becoming the version of you who already exists underneath the fear.
🧰 Tools to Start Building Confidence Today
Here are research-backed, coach-approved tools to help you get started:
🗣 Practice Communication – Speak up in small ways to train your nervous system.
🎭 Role Play – Rehearse hard conversations or presentations with a coach or friend.
🧘 Mindful Breathing – Learn to slow your breath = slow your thoughts.
💪 Power Posing – Stand tall for 2 minutes. Harvard research by Amy Cuddy shows it boosts feelings of confidence and lowers cortisol.
✅ Action – Even the tiniest action breaks the cycle of fear.
🔄 Feedback – Ask for it. Learn from it. Use it to grow.
🧠 According to Psychology Today, confidence is the “belief that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever happens.” The only way to build that belief? Go through it. Not around it.
💬 Final Thought
You don’t wait to feel confident. You become confident.
By showing up. Taking action. And proving to yourself — over and over — that you're capable.
🎯 Ready to Build Real Confidence?
If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself and ready to step into your power, we’re here to help.
👉 Book a free consult with Coach Brando or Coach Caitlin — and let’s retrain your brain for confidence, clarity, and purpose.
🧭 Want to Know Where You Stand?
Take our Free Well-Being Blueprint Assessment on our homepage — it only takes 60 seconds, gives you immediate insight, and no email is required.
